How to move on after a divorce

It is not an overstatement to say that a divorce is like a death. Anyone who has gone through a stressful and unwelcome divorce will need time to grieve. There is a grief for what has been lost, a grief for the future plans and a grief for the affect on the family.

Not giving yourself time to fully grieve will only present further problems down the line and just like with death, there are several stages to go through when grieving the end of a marriage and it is only when you reach acceptance that you can fully move on to happy future.

Accept that the marriage is over

The most important thing to accept is that the marriage is over. This is easier said than done. There is a big difference between knowing and accepting. It is only once you have accepted it that you can look forward not back. Accepting that it has happened and you now have no choice but to move on will help you to make those first steps.

Accept that you may not know the cause

Over-analysing what went wrong is a common thing to do during a marriage break-up. However, it rarely delivers any answers and if it does it is unlikely that the answers will be helpful. Marriages end for a wide variety of reasons and the causes are never linear or easy to explain.

Wanting answers or explanations from your ex will not bring about further understanding or help you to move on. Before you ask anything of your ex decide what answer they could give that would help. It is unlikely that you will be able to think of anything. Instead accept that it has happened and you need to move on, rather than asking why and what if.

Accept that life goes on

Whether you want it to or not, life does go on. Accepting that you will not always be grieving and that you will move on to better and brighter things will help you to move forward quicker.

It is easy to cling onto the past if you did not want your marriage to end and clinging onto the grief can be a way to do this. Start looking to the future and picturing yourself in a happy situation and start working towards that. Accept that you now have to take control of your destiny will help you to move on from your divorce.